Summary of the book "Living Beyond “What If?”" - By Dr. Shirley Davis

Key Concepts in this book:

1. One of the first stages toward making your dreams a reality is to be able to visualize them.
2. Davis learned to jump after rebounding back from traumatic situations, and he's never looked back.
3. Find creative methods to think about your goals to overcome procrastination.
4. Face your worries head-on by working through them, taking action, and being focused.
5. Make a plan and discover your purpose to attain your objectives.
6. It's time to take a risk once you've invested in your connections.

Who can benefit the most from this book:

• People struggling to get over a particular fear or blockage.
• Those who want to reinvent themselves but don’t know how.
• Anyone looking to level-up their life.

What am I getting out of it? A motivating journey to achieving your goals.

90% of the audience at Dr Shirley Davis' public speaking events agrees that if they could do it all over again, they would live their lives differently. They'd live more consciously, with less procrastination and more passion.

Why is this the case, given that we all plan, dream, and envisage our futures? Why do just a few of us succeed in our endeavours? What is holding the rest of us back, and what attitudes may we adopt to help us achieve better results?

This summary reveals the solution. They provide ways for letting go of any mindsets that are insulating you from disappointments – such as broken relationships or career losses – but are ultimately holding you back. They also demonstrate how changing your mindset may alter the trajectory of your life.

In this summary, 

• You'll learn how Davis's life was impacted by two near-death experiences as a young lady.
• How humans are born with only two innate anxieties.
• And why Davis's business success is dependent on an annual trip to the Caribbean.

1. One of the first stages toward making your dreams a reality is to be able to visualize them.

The human mind is a wonderful thing. It stays with us throughout our lives, active and uninhibited in children. Imagining a new future is one of the most crucial initial stages in making any major life change, even if we use it in less evident ways as we become older.

But there's a difference between imagination and reality. Dealing with reality is a different story.

Shirley Davis' imagination was shattered when a series of major losses shattered the ambitions she'd had since she was a little kid. These obstacles taught her that things weren't going to work out the way she wanted them to just because she wanted them to.

Davis would have to embark on a self-development trip and relearn how to dream in order to get back on track.

The main takeaway is that being able to envision your future is one of the first steps toward making it a reality.

Davis's first setback occurred a few years after graduation. She and a group of pals were on a campus visit as prospective graduate students at the University of Oklahoma. The women were driving back to Maryland when they were involved in a near-fatal vehicle accident. Davis had been asleep for days but had escaped with no internal harm. The officers who came to the accident were astounded that she had lived.

She understood she couldn't take anything for granted as she rested on her parents' couch. Despite their parents' worries that they were too young, she wanted to marry and start a life with the guy she loved. A second setback happened five years later. After all, love and faith weren't enough to keep the young couple's marriage afloat, so they divorced.

But, just as they were about to part ways, a third major event occurred: Davis found out she was pregnant. She came to the conclusion that they would be better off raising the child apart. She realized she wasn't where she had envisaged herself: in debt, divorced, and about to birth a baby as she pawned her belongings and began taking out high-interest loans.

Then came her fourth life-altering experience. When the bank was robbed at gunpoint, Davis was working as a supervisor. A man threatened to shoot her by holding a gun to her head. It prompted a succession of tough questions: What if she wasn't supposed to be doing this with her life? What had happened to the dreams she'd envisioned so long ago?

2. Davis learned to jump after rebounding back from traumatic situations, and he's never looked back.

Taking a chance can pay off handsomely. The real expertise is knowing which risks to take. For Davis, a job in human resources gave her the chance to reevaluate the life's direction she'd been looking for. It only took a split second for her to notice.

She'd been promised a fantastic promotion in another department. She, on the other hand, didn't want anything to do with it at first. She didn't think she needed to learn new skills because she was happy with her 40-hour-per-week schedule. She was especially averse to working weekends.

Nonetheless, something inside her compelled her to seize the opportunity.

Davis learned how to jump after rebounding back from horrible events, and he hasn't looked back since.

Taking the promotion turned out to be one of Davis's best career decisions. She just continued going after that initial terrifying jump. She couldn't seem to stop herself from taking chances. She left a difficult relationship, authored her first book, sold her house, and relocated to a new location after quitting her job and starting her own consulting firm.

Davis, on the other hand, wasn't just taking any risk; she had a strategy. Each time, she weighed the benefits and drawbacks, conducted the considerable study, and scribbled detailed notes to chart her path to success. That included devising a plan for getting out.

Davis has aided global organizations in the development of exit strategies for mergers and acquisitions, as well as friends and colleagues in figuring out how to move on when things don't work out. Whether it's for business or personal reasons, she's discovered that exit strategies take anything from three months to three years to complete.

If you wish to quit your career, an exit strategy could include exploring for other positions that are a better fit, determining what skills you need, and engaging with a mentor or supervisor. If the issue is more personal, such as wanting to end a relationship, your exit strategy may entail visualizing various scenarios or emotions and practising your responses over and over.

Remember that not everything in life is meant to stay forever when things get scary. Knowing when a circumstance is about to expire puts you in a position of strength, not weakness.

3. Find creative methods to think about your goals to overcome procrastination.

Why do so many of us fail to attain our ambitions? Procrastination is frequently the root of the problem. In other words, whether it's putting out the garbage or going to the doctor, we tend to put off doing things we know we should do.

James Clear, a best-selling author, feels that a phenomenon known as time inconsistency contributes to our procrastination. The human inclination to prefer present rewards over future rewards is known as time inconsistency.

For example, in the future, you might desire to be healthy and fit, but right now, you might crave a doughnut. Even if you know that you should eat well, the doughnut's implications appear far away. So you eat the doughnut, rather than taking responsibility now, you transfer the buck to your future self.

The main point here is to develop fresh ways to think about your goals in order to overcome procrastination.

Davis, like the rest of us, is prone to procrastination. She spent a long time as a well-paid senior executive resting on her laurels and finding excuses not to go on before beginning her own company.

Davis, on the other hand, finally grew out of it. She used a technique known as behavioural chaining, which divides huge activities into smaller chunks. Instead of being fragmented and removed from reality, she began defining small, attainable goals that tied into a larger plan. Instead of tackling her $22,000 credit card debt all at once, she focused on paying off the cards one by one, beginning with the one with the highest interest rate.

However, procrastination isn't the only reason why many individuals abandon their dreams. We're prone to obsessing over disempowering questions like What if I'm not good enough? You may feel hopeless, powerless, and unworthy if you have this perspective.

Davis has educated herself to nip these disempowering beliefs in the bud during her professional life. When one comes to mind, she thinks about where it came from. If it's from someone else, she questions why she's giving that person so much control over her self-worth. Rather than drowning in self-doubt, she assesses her talents and favourable attributes.

Measure your success in terms of your own objectives, not the objectives of others. Also, keep in mind that failure is a necessary component of success. In fact, it's the most effective approach to study and progress!

4. Face your worries head-on by working through them, taking action, and being focused.

We've all experienced terror at some point in our lives as humans. Did you know, though, that much of your fear is taught behaviour? In actuality, humans have only two phobias from birth: the fear of falling and the dread of loud noises. Everything else can be learned or acquired.

Fear can sometimes be justified. Sometimes it's merely a figment of the imagination, but other times it's not. One thing is certain: living in fear makes it impossible to live your aspirations.

Consider Stephanie, a former Davis coworker whom he met while both worked at the same bank. Stephanie was unfailingly cheerful - a light of hope. Her life improved even more when she married one of the bank's executives: she moved into a large house, began wearing luxury clothes, and began driving a new BMW.

The fairytale, however, was only a ruse.

The main takeaway is to face your concerns head-on by working through them, acting on them, and remaining focused.

Stephanie was, in fact, tortured by fear. She and her husband had a tumultuous divorce two years after their marriage. Stephanie's personality began to shift. Davis learned that her ex had cheated on her several times, but she had always forgiven him — and even blamed herself for his betrayal. She eventually left her bank position and lost touch with her former friends. She eventually developed a prescription medication addiction and overdosed.

Davis was taken aback by the fact that this could have occurred to Stephanie. Fear of rejection had kept her in an unhealthy relationship, and the embarrassment she felt when it ended was overwhelming. Stephanie had not been able to realize her ambitions. She'd given any hope of ever living.

How do you deal with fear – or, better yet, how do you learn to confront it? Davis has devised six methods to assist you in navigating frightening situations of all sizes.

To begin, change the way you think about your worries by recognizing them; naming your fear reduces its potency. Next, figure out what it is you're afraid of. Third, make an attempt to do whatever it is that is upsetting you. Fourth, boost your self-esteem by repeating positive affirmations about your special qualities and abilities. Fifth, once you've overcome fear, write down what happened and how you overcame it; you'll be able to call on those emotions again in the future.

Finally, keep visualizing your dreams becoming a reality. When you recall what you're going for, fears appear insignificant.

5. Make a plan and discover your purpose to attain your objectives.

After you've overcome your worries, it's time to keep working toward your goals. Davis restored her life plan after conquering her own worries by cultivating the proper relationships – beginning with herself – and developing the courage to take risks.

She has started a new yearly tradition: following the Christmas celebrations, she utilizes her annual bonus to treat herself to a Caribbean vacation.

She spends the first few days of her "ME-TREATS," as she refers to them, recuperating and relaxing. She then revisits her New Year's resolutions at the end of the holiday. She records all of her achievements and considers the goals she has still to reach.

She can not only celebrate but also refresh and concentrate for the coming year by spending this time alone.

The essential idea here is to establish a strategy and identify your purpose in order to attain your goals.

Davis thought on the previous year on one of these annual vacations and discovered she hadn't made any progress: she hadn't shed 15 pounds or learned a second language. She was in desperate need of a boost! So she devised two techniques, both of which have shown to be extremely effective in assisting her in achieving her objectives.

Davis made a commitment to read more self-help books and attend regular seminars. Second, she drafted a mission statement and created a life plan.

Start by answering a few fundamental questions, such as Who am I? and Why am I here? to construct your own purpose statement. Your life will become more significant than ever if you can answer these questions. "To train, coach, teach, and empower others with information, tactics, and skills, and to help them to envision a greater vision for themselves so that they find meaning, fulfilment, and success in every area of their lives," Davis says in his mission statement.

You can start drafting your life plan once you have your purpose statement. This is a written overview of your visions, dreams, and goals that you wish to achieve in a specific time frame. It should be an honest appraisal of where you are in life – including your strengths and flaws – and can be broken down into months or weeks.

Career, health, personal relationships, finances, and spirituality are the five categories of Davis's life plan. It's possible that yours has more or fewer. The crucial thing is that it should be adaptable to your evolving and maturing needs.

6. It's time to take a risk once you've invested in your connections.

Humans are social beings who require healthy relationships in order to thrive. However, if you don't look after yourself, it will be difficult to look after others. You must develop self-confidence in order to be and perform your best. Making your aspirations a reality becomes a form of self-love.

Consider the following questions to see if you have a good connection with yourself: Are you being honest with yourself? Do you accept and choose not to concentrate on your shortcomings and mistakes? Do you treat yourself and others with respect? Do you look after your mental and physical well-being? Do you have a good financial management system in place? Finally, are you appreciative of what you have?

You can only move on to other relationships after you've created this most crucial one.

The main takeaway is that once you've engaged in your connections, it's time to take a risk.

Your relationships can be divided into two categories. The first tier is your own board of advisors, which Davis refers to as trusted family members, friends, and coworkers.

Your extended network makes up the second tier. You should put effort into developing these connections. Make an effort to connect with people who aren't like you — they can provide vital insights.

Davis has benefited from having a varied and strong network of friends. She's increased her career prospects, met new people, improved her health, and even expedited her business success. Referrals, repeat business, live events, and social media now account for 95 per cent of her consulting work.

So, let's suppose you've done everything – you've increased your self-esteem, improved your relationship with yourself, and made connections with others. Now is the time to take a chance. To put it another way, it's time to leap.

Davis discovered that it wasn't until she started jumping that she transitioned from surviving to excelling in her life and career. She substituted empowering solutions for the disempowering What if? queries, allowing her to pursue her aspirations. As a result, she earned her doctorate before turning forty, won a national pageant championship, published many books, and created her own worldwide consulting organization.

There will never be an ideal moment, and you will never have all the answers. So, when you've done everything you can to prepare for something, all you have to do now is jump!

The primary message in this summary is that it's easy to put things off until tomorrow, but procrastination may be lethal when it comes to attaining your aspirations. Instead, take modest efforts toward huge goals, invest in your relationship with yourself, and create a strategic life plan to get back on track to success.

Advice that can be implemented:

Take courage from the past.

Consider revisiting some of your previous times of self-doubt when you're feeling more confident. When you're in a good mood, write down your anxieties and then contrast them with positive affirmations. This will offer you something to lean on the next time you're worried.