Summary of the book "The Practice of Groundedness" - By Brad Stulberg

Key Concepts in this book:

1. Burnout and misery are the results of heroic individuality.
2. Focusing on your origins – the beliefs and practices that keep you grounded – is the antidote to heroic individualism.
3. Accept your current reality as it is so that you can strive toward the future you wish.
4. Stay present and patient to stay grounded in what matters to you and bring things to fruition.
5. Accept weakness in order to gain true strength.
6. Surround yourself with a supportive network to ensure you're completely grounded.
7. Keep your body moving to keep your thoughts centred.

Who can benefit the most from this book:

• Highly-driven people feel burnt out, scattered, or restless.
• Professionals looking for a more sustainable approach to success.
• Anyone who wants to be more grounded.

What am I getting out of it? Learn how to centre yourself in order to have a happy and successful life.

October of this year. Brad Stulberg, the author, was in the middle of a long-distance drive when he wrote this. He was simply sitting there, minding his own business, when an unprompted notion struck him like a brick from the sky. "Just drive off the road and put an end to it right now," it said. "Without you, your family will be OK."

He knew deep down that he didn't believe such a thought. But he couldn't get rid of it. The next four hours were the most difficult of his life. And that wasn't the first or last time he'd been through something similar. For him, highly uncomfortable, intrusive thoughts and feelings had become the norm.

This is his tale about what happened to him, how he recovered, and the lessons he learnt along the road.

In this summary, 

• You'll learn why many of us suffer from heroic individualism.
• Why the alternative is to build groundedness.
• And why humans can learn a lot from redwood trees.

1. Burnout and misery are the results of heroic individuality.

Stulberg's life appeared to be on track just a few years ago. He was only 31 years old at the time, but he had already established himself as a well-known expert in the field of human performance science. He'd just released a best-selling book on the subject. The New York Times and the Wall Street Journal had published his articles. He worked with professional athletes, business owners, and executives.

But something sinister was going on inside him beneath the gleaming veneer of his exterior achievement. He got a terrible form of obsessive-compulsive disorder, or OCD, seemingly out of nowhere. He had been plagued by intrusive thoughts and feelings of despair, anxiety, and self-harm for about a year.

The incident rocked him to his core, forcing him to reconsider the way of life he'd been preaching and practicing — a way of life he now refers to as heroic individualism.

The main point here is that heroic individuality leads to fatigue and dissatisfaction.

Do you ever feel that it's never enough, no matter who you are or what you do? Are you always comparing yourself and your accomplishments to unreasonably high standards and fixating on the resulting gap? Are you constantly pushing yourself to close the gap? And do you ever feel like no matter how far you go, you'll never make it to the finish line, prompting you to push yourself even harder?

If that's the case, you may be suffering from heroic individualism, a popular way of thinking in Western culture. It teaches people that no matter who they are or what they accomplish, it is never enough. Everyone strives to be more productive, efficient, and successful.

People who are enslaved by heroic individualism feel forced to complete far too many chores at far too fast a pace and under far too much stress. As a result, they are disorganized, harried, and tired. They can't even rest properly because they're so focused on their exterior achievements; when they're not pursuing them, they feel empty or restless.

What is the likely outcome? Burnout and dissatisfaction that persists. Many people are dissatisfied with their lives as a result of this. Others, like Stulberg, may develop major mental health issues as a result of it. In either case, heroic individualism is doomed to fail.

So, how can you get out of this? After struggling with OCD, Stulberg asked himself this question, and he found the answer in an unlikely location.

2. Focusing on your origins – the beliefs and practices that keep you grounded – is the antidote to heroic individualism.

Stulberg went for a trek in the woods on a cool, breezy day in northern California. He had an insight when he looked up at the towering redwood trees that surrounded him.

What allows a redwood to soar hundreds of feet into the air while being buffeted by strong, occasionally violent winds? It isn't the tree's canopy that is continuously pushing to reach new heights. It is the roots that keep it firmly planted in the ground.

People grow preoccupied on their metaphorical canopy under the thrall of heroic individuality. They are overly concerned with their achievements on the outside. As a result, they overwork themselves and become sensitive to life's winds. They may eventually fall, as Stulberg learnt from his own fight with OCD.

What's the alternative? Consider yourself a redwood.

The main point is this: Focusing on your origins – the beliefs and practices that keep you grounded – is the antidote to heroic individualism.

What exactly does it mean to be rooted? To begin with, it implies that you have a sense of inner strength, stability, and confidence. The word "inner" is significant in this context. The feeling of being grounded isn't dependent on or derived from external accomplishments; it comes from deep within you. As a result, it doesn't fluctuate in response to successes and failures. Even in the middle of turbulence, it remains constant, assisting you in remaining calm and stable.

But it's more than a sensation. When you're grounded, you're grounded in something — the people, activities, and aspects of life that are most important to you. That's why being grounded also entails living in accordance with your beliefs and concentrating your time and energy on the things that matter most to you, whether they're family, health, community, spirituality, or something else.

The importance of being rooted isn't a new revelation. It can be found in one form or another in both modern clinical psychology and ancient spiritual traditions like as Buddhism, Taoism, Stoicism, and Christianity. Using their ideas and studies, you may identify six basic principles of groundedness, as well as a range of strategies to put them into effect in your life. These six principles, along with their associated activities, provide you the roots you need to become grounded.

So, what exactly are those guiding principles? The rest of this concept are all about it.

3. Accept your current reality as it is so that you can strive toward the future you wish.

When Stulberg first became aware of his OCD, he reacted with denial and wishful thinking. His bothersome ideas and feelings were "only" in his head, he reminded himself, and they weren't real. Maybe they were merely the signs of a strange bodily ailment that would go away.

When that didn't work, he shifted from denial to resistance, attempting to push his thoughts and feelings away. He reasoned that if anyone could will himself out of a mental block, it was him - a mental performance expert.

The more he attempted to drive it away, the more powerful it grew. He eventually recognized that he couldn't just ignore his problem, pretend it didn't exist, or hope it would go away on its own. Something else was required of him, which takes us to the first premise of groundedness.

The main message here is to accept your current reality as is in order to work toward the future you wish.

Many people react the same way Stulberg did with his OCD when confronted with unfavorable ideas, feelings, or circumstances: denial, wishful thinking, or resistance. The first two strategies are clearly ineffective, but resistance may appear to be a different story. What's the alternative, after all? Is it simply a case of accepting things as they are?

Yes, but that isn't the same as passive resignation. It simply entails calmly, nonreactively, and neutrally admitting the truth of a problem. It's best if it's as neutral as possible. Consider the following example from an ancient Buddhist parable: It's as if you've already been pierced by one arrow if you're having a negative thought, feeling, or occurrence. However, if you respond with another negative attitude or feeling, you're shooting yourself in the foot with a second arrow, exacerbating the injury.

These unpleasant sentiments and ideas are frequently based on the belief that things should not be the way they are. With that in mind, avoid using the term "should" when assessing your current situation. Instead of saying, "I should be doing it this way," say, "I want to do it this way." Say, "I wish this wasn't happening," instead of "This shouldn't be occurring."

That way, you're not merely gnashing your teeth about your predicament for no reason. Instead, you're calmly identifying the problem – as well as your willingness to address it. That isn't resignation; it is action planning.

4. Stay present and patient to stay grounded in what matters to you and bring things to fruition.

Accepting his OCD was a critical first step on Stulberg's road to recovery, but it was only that. The road ahead was long and treacherous. There was no remedy that could be applied immediately. In truth, there was no cure in the strictest sense. Instead of getting rid of his OCD, he had to learn how to cope with it in a healthy way, which took months of treatment and self-work.

The specifics differ, but the general lesson is applicable to everyone's life. When it comes to the most important issues and aspirations, the road to success and happiness is rarely straightforward. To stay on track and make progress, you must be focused and committed for the long term, which is what the next two groundedness principles are all about.

Stay present and patient in order to stay grounded in what matters to you and bring things to fruition.

Consider your attention to be similar to water. Because there's only so much of it, the question becomes: which seeds will you give it to?

You're probably dispersing it in too many places instead of focusing it on what matters most to you. It's partly because Western culture encourages individuals to be busy for the sake of being active, which leads to people becoming engrossed in busywork.

Turning off notifications, putting away superfluous devices, and cutting out time for uninterrupted work or quality time with yourself or your loved ones will help you stay focused. You should also evaluate your busyness on a regular basis by asking yourself, Is it really important for me to do what I'm doing? Is it also serving my core values? If not, what can I do to focus my "water" on the seeds I want to grow instead of scattering it?

A seed, of all, requires more than just water to thrive; it also requires time. The same can be said about life's most important objectives. Unfortunately, Western culture pushes people to rush through tasks in order to complete them as soon as possible. Not only does this lead to burnout, but it also leads to half-baked outputs at best and self-defeating outcomes at worst. Athletes, for example, can easily damage themselves if they train too hard in order to meet their fitness goals quickly.

Breaking down your goals into smaller chunks and focusing on just finishing the one you're on will help you overcome this inclination and adopt a more patient mindset. Step by step, step by step, slow and steady wins the race.

5. Accept weakness in order to gain true strength.

Stulberg received an email from a young man a few years ago. He wanted to ask a question that would ordinarily come off as flattering: how had Stulberg managed to attain such a successful and full life by the time he was in his early thirties?

Little did the man know that Stulberg was suffering from particularly severe OCD symptoms on that particular day. He was troubled by the thoughts and feelings that his existence was pointless. He felt like a phony after reading the email. On the surface, he presented himself as a powerful, accomplished individual – even a performance guru. On the inside, however, he was coming apart and barely performing.

He made the decision that he needed to be honest with himself. What happened next gave him a good lesson in groundedness' next principle.

The essential idea here is to embrace vulnerability in order to gain true strength.

Many people, like Stulberg, are living parallel lives these days. They show themselves as powerful, joyful, and successful people who are always living their personal and professional life to the fullest, both online and off. Consider the well chosen photos they share on Instagram and the accomplishments they brag about on LinkedIn. Consider the hypercompetent identities people present in their places of business.

Of course, everyone has flaws, limits, and challenges in real life. Due to the poisonous combination of social media and a culture of heroic individualism, which encourages people to always be optimistic, act invincible, and operate at 100 percent, they are hesitant to share their flaws. They don't want to appear weak. Many people don't want to confess to themselves, much less to others, that they fall short of these unrealistic standards.

True strength, on the other hand, necessitates the acceptance of flaws. It takes a lot of guts to be open and honest about your flaws.

It's also a freeing experience. Stulberg decided to write a magazine essay about his issue with OCD after receiving the email from the young man — the first time he'd made it public. He felt a great feeling of relaxation thereafter. He wasn't carrying the burden of pretending to be someone he wasn't.

When you're feeling heavy, take a moment to consider what you're hiding. What would you tell people about yourself if you could be entirely honest with them? Then, as long as it doesn't injure anyone, speak it and feel the freedom for yourself.

6. Surround yourself with a supporting network to ensure you're completely grounded.

After publishing his essay, Stulberg received hundreds of emails from readers. They wanted to express their gratitude for his candor regarding his struggles. They also wanted to relate their personal experiences with mental illness. He suddenly felt a lot less alone.

That's a strong emotion, and there's a reason for it. Do you recall the redwoods? After the epiphany he had while hiking, Stulberg discovered something else about them. Their roots aren't particularly deep, which is why they're so firmly attached to the earth. In actuality, they only go six to twelve feet underground.

Rather than expanding downward, they prefer to expand horizontally. As a result, their roots become entangled with those of their neighbors, producing a dense network of mutual assistance. That is the key to their long-term stability.

The essential message here is to surround oneself with a supporting environment to ensure you're well grounded.

Heroic individualism promotes people to see themselves as lone individuals capable of heroic deeds on their own, as the name implies. People who are enslaved by this way of thinking come to consider strength as the ability to bear one's own difficulties without assistance.

However, no one is an island in reality. As humans, we are a sociable creature by nature. We rely on one other for strength even more than the redwoods. Pretending to be able to "do it alone" is another method of pretending to be someone we aren't. It's not a long-term solution.

The other option is to embrace the spirit of community - the feeling that we're not alone and that we're all in this together. Of course, in order to embrace that spirit, you must be a part of a real community. Unfortunately, in a day when so many of us live in isolation, this is easier said than done.

Find – or create – a community if you aren't currently a part of one. A reading club, a support group, a sports team, a volunteer organization, a religious congregation, or any other group of individuals who share your interests and values could be what you're looking for.

However, don't just show up to social functions. Keep in mind the other groundedness concepts. Be present in the moment. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Put your phone down, be yourself, and share who you are with others. They'll very certainly respond by doing the same, and that's when collective power is fully unleashed.

7. Keep your body moving to keep your thoughts centered.

Andrea Barber, a 32-year-old woman, was one of the numerous people who contacted Stulberg after he published his piece. If you're of a similar age, you might remember her from the sitcom Full House, where she played Kimmy Gibbler in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

Her life had not been easy following her stint as a child star on a popular television show. She'd suffered from despair and anxiety for years. She, like Stulberg, sought aid in a variety of ways, including therapy and medicine. But there was one item that helped her the most – and it was also the thing she most wanted to tell Stulberg about.

It wasn't a miraculous healing. It was on the go. And that gets us to the final grounding concept.

The main takeaway is to keep your head anchored while keeping your body active.

There is a long tradition in Western thought of seeing the mind and body as two distinct entities. But, according to current research, they're more like two sides of the same coin – or, to put it another way, an integrated mind-body system. Your gut bacteria, for example, can influence your mood, and your mental state can influence your heart rate. Your mental health is dependent on your physical health in these and many other ways, and vice versa.

Your body was designed to move, not sit for long periods of time. As a result, exercise is essential for both physical and mental health. Although this may not come as a surprise to some, the advantages of exercise can be remarkable. It has been proven in numerous studies to be one of the most effective methods for both preventing and treating depression and anxiety.

Andrea Barber found running to be a lifeline, and it has also helped Stulberg recover from his OCD. Any sort of cardiovascular activity or strength training, in fact, can assist you in being more grounded.

Exercise releases feel-good hormones, which contribute to this. It's also the fact that it aids in the application of the other groundedness concepts. Working exercise teaches you to accept discomfort, stay present with your body, and be patient as you work toward your fitness objectives in small steps. While you can workout on your alone, it's far more fun to do so with a friend or a group, so it may also be a terrific way to develop community.

The essential message in this summary is that many people place too much emphasis on external accomplishments and see themselves as solitary individuals who must bear their own difficulties. Accepting your current reality, staying present with it, being patient with your progress, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, embracing community, and keeping your body moving are six principles of groundedness to practice for a more balanced attitude to life.

Here's some additional advice that you can put into practice:

To get started, start small.

You won't be able to benefit from the concepts of groundedness unless you put them into action. Take each of the six principles and come up with three things you can start doing and three things you can stop doing to live more in line with them. Make sure your goals are attainable and reasonable - imagine incremental steps rather than gigantic leaps. For example, you don't have to run a marathon or buy a gym full of expensive equipment to get your body moving. A daily 30-minute brisk walk could be sufficient aerobic exercise. You can also practice push-ups, squats, sit-ups, and other exercises that require nothing more than your own body for strength training.