Summary of the book "Survival of the Friendliest"- By Brian Hare, Vanessa Wood

Key Insights in this book:

1. To facilitate cooperation, humans have developed specific cognitive abilities.
2. A genetic characteristic associated with improved communication skills is friendliness.
3. All the telltale symptoms of self-domestication are present in the amiable bonobo.
4. It appears that friendliness has promoted human evolution.
5. Even with strangers, our brains have evolved to create strong social relationships.
6. Outsiders may appear less human because of our close social ties.
7. By interacting closely and casually with people, we can promote tolerance.
8. Our treatment of animals is a reflection of how we treat one another.

Why should I care? a development of friendship through time.

The expression "survival of the fittest" connotes to the layperson that competition rules in the natural world. Only the most savage, resilient, and cunning species survive. A completely different viewpoint is put out in Survival of the Friendliest, which asserts that friendships are more important than conflicts.

These insights contend that emphasising merely aggression and sheer power minimises the significance of social skills. They support their claim by looking at evolutionary history. In actuality, community, family, and friendship may have been the real drivers of human survival throughout history.

You'll discover how Homo sapiens' ability to form connections and cooperate allowed us to rule the earth and why evolutionary pressure made it easier for us to get along.

You may learn how to domesticate a fox in these insights, as well as why bonobos make better neighbours than chimpanzees and how owning pets makes us better humans.

1. To facilitate cooperation, humans have developed specific cognitive abilities.

Starting off with a fun game Take two cups, and beneath one of them tuck a treat or a bright toy. Present the baby with the two cups after that. Will they succeed in locating the reward?

Yes, it is the answer. If you give them a hint, that is. Simply point at the appropriate cup to see what happens. Most infants can perceive this gesture as an effort to convey a significant message by the time they are nine months old. They'll follow your finger and look into the thing you've pointed out.

Although it may not appear remarkable, it is. It demonstrates that people may comprehend that others may have information and objectives that are different from their own even when they are very young. One of the most significant accomplishments of humanity is what is known as theory of mind.

The main takeaway is that humans have developed unique cognitive abilities to aid in our ability to collaborate.

Theory of mind may initially appear to be a fundamental cognitive ability. After all, it should go without saying that other individuals have their own unique perspectives, emotions, and life experiences in addition to our own. But in reality, this is a complex idea that not even our closest evolutionary ancestors have.

Play the same game of two cups with a chimpanzee. You'll become frustrated quite easily. Even if the chimp is aware that food is hidden beneath one of the cups, they won't regard your pointing as a gesture of assistance. They'll merely speculate. A monkey may learn a little after playing dozens of times, but if the motion is altered even slightly, it's back to square one.

Surprisingly, dogs do a little bit better. They'll typically look at the right cup if you point it out before the wrong one. They at least instinctively follow our motions even though it's uncertain whether they fully comprehend what we're trying to say.

Why the distinction? We have tamed dogs, after all. Dogs that obey our directions have been fed to and bred throughout history. This gives species that work well with human communication an evolutionary edge. Because chimpanzees have not experienced this pressure during evolution, they lack the cognitive development necessary to fully understand our motions.

Therefore, the capacity to imagine and converse with other minds is an evolved quality. But that still leaves us wondering why humans have the best-developed understanding of theory of mind among all animal species on Earth. As we'll see in the next insights, evolution might have some solutions.

2. A genetic characteristic associated with improved communication skills is friendliness.

Dmitry Belyaev, a geneticist, relocated from Moscow to the remote Siberian city of Novosibirsk in 1959. Here, away from the government of Stalin's suspicion, he started a protracted experiment. You can see the fruits of his labour now. You can actually pet them and pick them up.

You see, Belyaev tried to domesticate foxes in his experiment, and he was successful. The researcher started with two packs of foxes in the wild. Only those that had a strong liking for people were permitted to breed with the other groups; one group was left alone.

The two groups gradually split apart over time. The friendly group acquired a variety of new physical and behavioural traits, whereas the control group stayed the same.

The main takeaway is that friendliness is a hereditary feature that is associated with better communication skills.

The domestication experiment conducted by Belyaev has been ongoing for more than 50 years. Lyudmila Trut, a protégé of his, is still in charge today. The outcomes are astounding. The foxes that have been bred for friendliness are very different from their wild counterparts.

They differ in appearance, for one. The foxes are amiable and have shorter snouts and floppy ears. They have softer fur that is available in a range of hues and patterns. Even their teeth are softer than usual. In essence, they have a lot of characteristics with other domesticated animals, like dogs or pigs. None of these characteristics, however, were chosen specifically. They are essentially byproducts of friendliness, the main selection characteristic.

The most important adverse consequence of selecting for friendliness, however, is a cerebral aptitude rather than a physical one. Foxes from the sociable group have far better communication skills with people. Wild foxes fail the two cup test around 50% of the time when it is administered to them. The amiable foxes, on the other hand, can recognise human movements and choose the appropriate cup. Surprisingly, even if they are reared by foxes from the control group, they still have this ability.

This astounding gap in aptitude demonstrates the genetic relationship between friendliness and communication abilities. If one is being improved by evolutionary pressure, the other is also getting better. In fact, Bengalese finches and ferrets are two other domesticated animals that exhibit this correspondence.

We'll look at if this procedure can happen automatically in the following insight. Can a species domesticate itself?

3. All the telltale symptoms of self-domestication are present in the amiable bonobo.

Would you like to coexist with chimpanzees? Yes, it could seem enticing at first. Maybe a chimp's entire existence consists of lazing around in the jungle and acting silly. The truth, though, is somewhat less pleasant.

In reality, chimpanzee culture may be very harsh. Male chimps will violently attack any intruders and constantly patrol their territory. Even worse, they will fiercely attack prospective partners during mating season. Chimpanzee females are not much better. They fight frequently and occasionally even kill the kids of their enemies.

No, the bonobo is a better choice if you want to have a more tranquil primate existence. Despite being closely related to chimpanzees, this kind of ape behaves in a far more social and cooperative manner.

The main takeaway is that the sociable bonobo exhibits all the characteristics of self-domestication.

What is life like for bonobos if chimp society is violent and competitive? Well, for starters, it's much more relaxed. Most importantly, there is no hostile competition for potential partners. Females choose who they have relations with, and they almost always chose almost everyone, as opposed to males fighting for particular females. In actuality, having sex is just a normal social interaction for bonobos.

In addition to having fewer battles over partners, bonobos also avoid getting into disputes over food. The exact reverse is true; they like sharing. A succession of bonobos were left alone in a room with fresh fruit and a small door that kept out another bonobo in one representative experiment. Even if they had never met previously, the first ape always decided to invite the second inside. When given the same option, chimpanzees simply consume everything.

These amiable apes have some of the distinguishing physical traits typical of domesticated animals, which is not surprising. Their faces and jaws are smaller, less prominent, and their teeth are smaller and less sharp. Even when completely developed, they exhibit more variable pigmentation, pinkish lips, and tufts of light-colored hair.

Additionally, bonobos have higher collaboration and communication skills than domesticated foxes. Bonobos can quickly cooperate when given a job that calls for teamwork, such as a puzzle requiring two apes to pull ropes simultaneously in order to receive a reward. Their chimpanzee relatives can hardly ever do the same, though.

It appears that bonobos have experienced a natural process like domestication, but entirely in the wild, as evidenced by their distinctive physical characteristics and more egalitarian habits. Their evolutionary success is compelling evidence that, in some circumstances, it must be desirable to foster traits like friendliness and cooperative social abilities.

4. It appears that friendliness has promoted human evolution.

As you proceed along the street, a stranger passes you. Even though you don't know him, his gentle, pleasant face conveys a sense of reliability and trustworthiness. He is the kind of person you would approach if you required assistance. These warm, welcoming faces are indeed all around us. Yet why?

Our outward look isn't just arbitrary or unimportant. the exact opposite. The shapes and sizes of the modern human face show some significant changes in our mental processes. Recall how Belyaev's Siberian foxes had morphological changes as they gained in friendliness? The similar procedure might have happened to our distant ancestors.

The evidence is all over our faces, and fossil records suggest that the development of early humans may have also selected for friendliness.

Here, the main point is: It appears that friendliness has promoted human evolution.

The dominating primates on the earth today are modern humans, a variety of hominid known as Homo sapiens. But 50,000 years ago, humans weren't all by ourselves. There were at least five other hominid species that once lived on earth. However, humans prevailed and emerged as the most successful species over time. What provided us with a benefit?

One theory is that our distant ancestors kept their own homes. That is, the pressure of evolution benefited those who were friendlier. But how do social abilities set us apart from our close relatives? Humans can communicate more efficiently, create denser, more stable social structures, and work together to develop new technologies when they are more socially adept. In essence, community and friendship strengthened our species.

Researchers looking into this phenomena have discovered strong evidence that the rise of Homo sapiens was accompanied by an increase in friendliness. Take into account the fact that testosterone, a hormone associated with aggression and competition, also contributes to particular facial characteristics like prominent jawlines and brow ridges. The typical brow ridge and jaw considerably decreased as humans became more successful, according to the fossil record. This suggests a connection between our species' evolution and growing sociability.

Modern faces also exhibit other outward symptoms of domestication. For instance, when you compare human eyes to chimpanzee eyes, only ours have what are known as sclerae, which are white spots. Another unintended consequence of selecting for friendliness is this loss of pigmentation. It's also a helpful social adaption, though. White sclerae are a crucial component of interpersonal communication because they make it simpler to understand where someone is looking.

5. Even with strangers, our brains have evolved to create strong social relationships.

There are bright lights, loud music, fluid dancing, and a strong, uncontrollable urge to hug everyone you see. These are a few well-known negative effects of using ecstasy illegally. This drug, which is also known as MDMA, is common at raves, clubs, and other hedonistic social settings. It's simple to comprehend why. Serotonin and oxytocin, two molecules directly associated to happiness, euphoria, and other happy emotions, flood the brain when a dose is taken.

The majority of nations forbid the purchase of ecstasy. Fortunately for those seeking happiness, evolution has made it possible to naturally produce serotonin and oxytocin. Just look someone in the eye.

This insights main takeaway is that even with strangers, our brains have developed the capacity to build strong social relationships.

Strong social ties became a necessity for survival as humans evolved to be friendlier. After all, residing in secure, supportive social surroundings has many advantages. Take the Hadza community in Tanzania as an example. Through reciprocal trade, this community of hunter-gatherers has survived for many years. Everyone has enough because hunters split their kills and gatherers share their haul.

So how do human relationships develop? Utilizing substances like oxytocin is one method. The amygdala, the part of the brain that processes threats and danger, is disrupted by this neurohormone, which changes the thinking. Slowing down the amygdala makes one more receptive to intimacy with others. In fact, research demonstrate that oxytocin users exhibit greater empathy and are more sensitive to others' feelings.

Humans naturally create oxytocin through social interactions. For instance, this substance is injected into both moms and newborns right after labour to assist strengthen the relationship between them. However, when people encounter strangers, oxytocin is also released. This neurotransmitter in the brain is activated only by staring into another person's eyes. Therefore, it appears that people are hardwired to establish healthy social bonds.

Our species is able to form social networks that extend far beyond our immediate relatives thanks to this dynamic. In essence, it made it possible to create a brand-new social category called the intragroup stranger. This is a person you don't know well but who you nevertheless regard as a member of your group. Large communities that we depend on, such as neighbourhoods, cities, and nations, are made feasible by our kindness toward strangers within our own group.

This bonding does have a negative side, though, which we'll look at in the next insight.

6. Outsiders may appear less human because of our close social ties.

Undoubtedly, our innate propensity for cooperation and kindness has contributed to the long-term survival of our species. Even though our forefathers had to rely on one another in order to survive, there are still some conflicts and disagreements among the human family. Take the example of Rachel's tale.

Rachel was from the Banyamulenge community, a small ethnic group referred to as the Black Jews of Africa, and was born in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Although she had a happy childhood, violent turmoil plagued her adult life. The Banyamulenge people experienced constant marginalisation and hostility from other political and ethnic groupings during the 1990s. When an outside rebel group raided Rachel's refugee camp in 2004 and massacred her entire family, the misery came to a head.

This bleak tale initially seemed to challenge our perception of human kindness. However, the same evolutionary pressures that lead to our kindness also contribute to this heinous brutality.

The main takeaway from this is that people outside of our close-knit communities can appear less human.

The story of Rachel is unsettling, but not original. The tragic reality is that genocide, bloodshed, and conflict have all occurred throughout human history. But how can we comprehend these uncivilised tendencies without giving up on the idea that friendliness is an evolutionary advantage?

We must first consider the drawbacks of developing solid social ties. While our brain's oxytocin sensitivity aids in our ability to sympathise with other group members, it also has a negative side effect. Additionally, oxytocin makes mammals more hostile toward strangers that they see as threats. Imagine a mother bear tenderly cuddling her cubs but ferociously attacking any neighbouring animal that seems unsettling to get the concept.

Therefore, while people will offer assistance and support to strangers who they regard to be a part of their group, those who are perceived as outsiders will experience the opposite. This is partially due to the fact that our brains perceive strangers less conceptually. This implies that we give non-group members' thoughts, feelings, and experiences less of our attention. We see them as less human because of their neurological makeup.

Additionally, this phenomena exists on a cultural level. When a strong group oppresses another, the outsiders are frequently portrayed as non-human animals. This phenomenon, which is also known as simianization, can be seen in racist slurs and propaganda posters alike. These portrayals feed into our ingrained prejudice against strangers.

However, violence is not always present. It is feasible to cultivate the sense of shared humanity that animate our finest instincts by encouraging empathy between groups.

7. By interacting closely and casually with people, we can promote tolerance.

1941 in Poland. The horrifying task of herding Jewish families into harsh ghettos is being carried out by the Nazis. A large portion of the local community is intimidated by the occupying army and does little to halt the progression. Andrzej Pitynski, however, was not going to watch helplessly.

Despite not being Jewish, Pitynski risks his life to deliver food to those in need. He and his wife continue to work tirelessly to save Jewish people throughout the war, even after they are caught and punished.

What inspired the Pitynskis and countless other heroes to devote their lives to supporting a community that others had so readily dehumanised? The majority of these resistors, according to sociologists Pearl and Samuel Oliner, had something in common. All of them were close friends with the Jewish neighbours.

The main takeaway is that close, casual contact with others can promote tolerance.

The forces of dehumanisation that caused the Holocaust still exist. Unfortunately, there are still people in the world who are dedicated to hating and oppressing others who are seen as outsiders. Alt-right ideology is one well-known example. These people have high social dominance orientation scores, which indicates they think some groups, such ethnic minorities, are intrinsically inferior.

How can society prevent the propagation of such damaging ideas? Some contend that those who have outdated views ought to be forcibly suppressed. This strategy, though, can backfire. Keep in mind that when people feel threatened, they often dehumanise strangers. It's possible that increasing your sense of vulnerability will make you feel even more hated.

More areas for non-threatening group interactions would be a preferable strategy. The unpleasant emotions that motivate hate are diminished by constructive, casual social engagement. For instance, it has been discovered that college students who were given roommates from various racial origins at random were considerably more accepting of racial diversity in the future. In the 1940s, white inhabitants of communities that had already de-segregated were also considerably more likely to support further de-segregation.

We must encourage interaction across all demographic boundaries if we hope to prevent our societies from sliding further into intolerance. Currently, American villages and cities are frequently geographically split. There are wealthy and impoverished sections, as well as white and black neighbourhoods.

However, by consciously altering cities to promote interaction, Americans can start to reverse this deeply ingrained segregation. It's critical to invest in more mixed-income housing projects, create more welcoming public areas, and remove actual obstacles that divide people. In conclusion, it's crucial to design towns where everyone knows their neighbours.

8. Our treatment of animals is a reflection of how we treat one another.

Claudine André, a conservationist, encountered a challenge during the Second Congo War. Her hometown of Kinshasa was under attack. Daily bombs were dropped. It was difficult to find both steady electricity and clean water. To top it all off, André had to care for 12 bonobos in these difficult circumstances.

André went above and above to protect the helpless apes, even if it wasn't always easy. She let them to live in her house and drove them to a remote forest every day so they could play and interact. She started dozens of Kindness Clubs after the war. Local kids could interact with the bonobos and learn about their life in these modest refuges.

Why did André want kids to see the chimpanzees? The explanation was clear-cut to her. It might stop a fresh conflict. Children who grow to love and respect animals are more likely to care for one another.

The main takeaway is that how we treat animals echoes how we treat one another.

Since the beginning of our species, humans have coexisted with other animals. Animals have long been regarded as members of our family, even though we frequently utilised them as food and labour. Even in our rituals, we show our affection for animals. Archaeologists have discovered ancient burial grounds all around the world where our ancestors were interred alongside their canine companions.

It should come as no surprise that people who encourage interspecies friendships are more inclined to show kindness to fellow humans given our deep social interactions with animals. Gordon Hodson and Kristof Dhont, two psychologists, investigated this interaction. They discovered that individuals who gave more thought and emotion to animals also performed better on tests of tolerance.

Brian Hare and his graduate student Wen Zhou undertook a second research to take a closer look at this phenomena. In a poll, respondents were asked if they thought that some dog breeds were inherently better than others. People who believed the statement to be true also performed well on tests of social dominance orientation. They supported hierarchies in human society, in other words.

Clearly, how we see the animal world, and our relationship to other living species, has consequences for how we see each other. Perhaps, if we learn to build a loving attitude toward all nature, we’ll be more inclined to tap into our greatest strength, our potential for friendship.

Final summary

The fundamental message in these insights: \s Humans have evolved to be an intrinsically sociable species. Our capacity to survive has depended on developing interpersonal communication, social skills, and supportive groups throughout history. Sadly, our innate propensity to form strong bonds with those close to us can also cause us to be afraid of strangers who seem threatening to us. We should make an effort to develop friendships with individuals around us, even if they appear to be different from us, in order to create a more peaceful society.